Is This Gratitude or Toxic Positivity?

I was recently reading research extoling the scientific benefits of a gratitude practice and its ability to enhance feelings of happiness. In the pursuit of healing and emotional well-being, gratitude is often something that is talked about, from “silver linings” to “counting our blessings” and “the grass is always greener.” It’s a very short walk from there to “it wasn’t that bad,” “there’s always worse” and “at least, you didn’t have to…” So, what’s wrong with looking on the brighter side of things, anyway? Shouldn’t we say positive affirmations to rewire our brains for a more balance view of the world? The distinction between authentic gratitude and toxic positivity plays a pivotal role in fostering genuine healing. The first one helps promote healing, while the latter tends to hinder it. 

The Essence of Gratitude

Gratitude serves as a potent tool in our emotional toolkit, fostering resilience and promoting a positive mindset. It involves acknowledging the good in our lives, appreciating the present moment, and recognizing the small joys amidst challenges. Engaging in a gratitude practice can help you cultivate a sense of abundance and contentment, even in difficult circumstances. It can help you deal honestly with the tough stuff coming from a more grounded place.

The Pitfall of Toxic Positivity

Contrary to gratitude, toxic positivity veers into the realm of denial and avoidance of genuine emotions. It entails an overemphasis on "positive vibes only" and dismissing or invalidating any negative feelings. This approach often stems from the belief that one should constantly maintain a facade of happiness, suppressing authentic emotions under the guise of false optimism. Toxic positivity may also occur when those around us are uncomfortable handling emotions such as healthy anger, grief, and shame. It’s much easier to call someone an attention-seeker or tell them they are just acting like a victim than to have to confront one’s unresolved emotional baggage of anger, grief, shame, or trauma. Toxic positivity can be found anywhere from media, social media, film, and of course, at work and at home, among family and friends.

Healing with Gratitude

When used authentically, a gratitude practice becomes a catalyst for healing. It encourages individuals to acknowledge and process their emotions while redirecting their focus towards elements that bring joy and comfort. Gratitude invites a balanced perspective, allowing individuals to embrace their feelings without disregarding the challenges they face. A gratitude practice isn’t about pretenting all is well. Instead, it’s about noticing the good that is already there, no matter how small. A cup of tea. A ray of sun. A warm shower. A smile.

Embracing Authenticity

Toxic positivity, on the other hand, tends to stifle genuine emotional expression. It can lead to feelings of guilt or shame for experiencing anything other than happiness, thereby hindering the healing process. True healing involves embracing authenticity, honoring one's emotions, and creating space for both positive and negative feelings to coexist. True healing is a balancing act, an “and/both,” with many shades of grey because oftentimes, life isn’t clear-cut and tied up with a bow and becoming more able to embrace uncertainty and ambiguity helps build our sense of resilience in the face of challenging circumstances.

Cultivating a Healthy Mindset

A healthy approach to healing involves a delicate balance between acknowledging the hardships and finding gratitude amid them. Integrating a gratitude practice into daily life can serve as a guiding light, fostering a mindset that acknowledges the full spectrum of emotions while consciously choosing to focus on the positives. Being grateful doesn’t mean being forgiving. Some survivors choose to forgive and others don’t, yet all can heal.

In the pursuit of healing, the power of gratitude lies not in denying or masking emotions but in embracing them while intentionally choosing to find moments of appreciation and joy. Distinguishing between a gratitude practice and toxic positivity is essential for nurturing genuine emotional well-being. Healing isn't about erasing difficulties but about navigating them with authenticity, self-compassion, and a grateful heart. So next time you decide to use positive affirmations as part of your self-care, make sure that they feel authentic and real so that your brain is open to absorbing their wisdom. For instance, if “I am loveable” doesn’t seem plausible, try “I am open to exploring the possibility that I am worthy of love.” Connecting with yourself in genuine and authentic ways is what promotes true healing, and what helps you develop a better ability to genuinely and authentically connecting with others.